If you ever wondered

How the chamber pots on the Titanic felt...

Etiquette

The new manager of our customer service department has apparently made complaints about a couple of us for our having failed to be polite/professional/politic/something(???) enough in responding to tickets logged by his employees. Now, it's not as though we're swearing or overtly rude or offensively informal. So, I'm sort of at a loss as to what the problem is. But it does call to mind the following:

Once upon a time in China, some believe, around the year one double-aught three, head priest of the White Lotus Clan, Pai Mei, was walking down the road, contemplating whatever it is that a man of Pai Mei's infinite power contemplates - which is another way of saying "who knows?" - when a Shaolin monk appeared, traveling in the opposite direction. As the monk and the priest crossed paths, Pai Mei, in a practically unfathomable display of generosity, gave the monk the slightest of nods. The nod was not returned. Now was it the intention of the Shaolin monk to insult Pai Mei? Or did he just fail to see the generous social gesture? The motives of the monk remain unknown. What is known, are the consequences. The next morning Pai Mei appeared at the Shaolin Temple and demanded of the Temple's head abbot that he offer Pai Mei his neck to repay the insult. The Abbot at first tried to console Pai Mei, only to find Pai Mei was inconsolable. So began the massacre of the Shaolin Temple and all sixty of the monks inside at the fists of the White Lotus. And so began the legend of Pai Mei's five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique.

Hopefully we fare better.

Destruction

Last week, I hit my desk so hard my computer reset itself.

The week before that, the computer locked up, and I decided to hard boot it. I reached down for the ancient power strip, flipped its switch, and sort of flung it against the (really quite soft and pliable) cubicle wall. The strip exploded into a hail of brittle yellow plastic. I'm probably lucky it didn't start a fire.

I've learned that, when slamming a mouse on your desk, it's best to keep your fingers off the buttons and scroll wheels. Mice are surprisingly durable, except for those pieces. Such damage does offer the opportunity to see just how much of your job you're still able to perform w/ one button permanently clicked, though. It's sort of like playing Tekken w/ your eyes closed.

New recruitment video